It can sometimes be difficult to know what a healthy relationship looks like, especially if healthy relationships haven’t been modelled to us in our early lives. Healthy relationships are an important part of our emotional well-being, and can also be a place for us to experience profound personal growth. It can be helpful to understand the elements that contribute to a healthy relationship, so that we are able to foster meaningful connections that enrich our lives. Counselling is a place where you and your partner can work on some these areas.
Communication and Listening
At the heart of a healthy relationship lies open communication. Partners should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment. Listening, a skill emphasized in counselling, involves truly hearing and understanding your partner’s perspective, fostering empathy and mutual understanding.
Effective Conflict Navigation
Conflict is inevitable in every relationship – it is not the amount of conflict that determines whether your relationship is healthy, but rather, how you and your partner deal with your conflict. Healthy conflict means engaging with your partner in a respectful way, avoiding negative communication patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling), being open to hearing and being influenced by your partner’s perspective, taking breaks when you need to self-soothe, and making efforts to de-escalate tension and reconnect with your partner. Couple’s counselling can be a great place to explore your patterns of communication, and learn how to navigate conflict in your relationship in a way that makes both partners feel more satisfied and connected.
Mutual Respect, Admiration, and Fondness
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, where both partners acknowledge each other’s individuality, opinions, decisions and boundaries. In healthy relationships, partners find ways to show that they admire each other, are fond of each other, and enjoy spending time together. Counselling can help partners to find ways to re-connect and to communicate their feelings about one another.
Emotional Support, Empathy and Friendship
Healthy relationships thrive on emotional support and empathy. Counsellors stress the importance of creating a safe space where partners can share their vulnerabilities without fear of rejection. Offering comfort, validation, and understanding during challenging times fosters emotional intimacy and strengthens the bond between partners. Enjoying the friendship you have with your partner is very important to a healthy relationship, along with continuing to put in effort to get to know them as a person as you both change and grow.
Trust and Transparency
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Building and maintaining trust involves being transparent, honest, and reliable. Trust is about what we say, and also what we do – our actions reflect the words we say. I like to think about trust as “knowing what to expect” from our partner; we aren’t totally sidelined by their words or actions. Counsellors use simple exercises and activities to help partners to practice accountability, improve communication, and to build and maintain trust in your relationship.
Boundaries
Partners in a healthy relationship understand and respect each other’s needs for personal space, privacy, and self-care. Respecting these boundaries fosters a sense of safety and security. When you set boundaries, you define what you are comfortable with, and how you would like to be treated by others. Boundaries in a relationship include physical, emotional and digital boundaries. Counselling can help you to learn more about setting and respecting boundaries in your relationship.
Fairness and Equality
Things do not have to be perfectly equal in a relationship, but they do need to feel fair for both partners. Equality is about both partners feeling like they have the power to make decisions inside and outside of the relationship, and that you can communicate if things aren’t feeling fair for one of you. As you move through different life transitions, your roles and responsibilities within your relationship are able to shift to navigate life’s challenges as a team.
Individual Growth and Autonomy
Healthy relationships encourage individual growth and autonomy. Partners maintain their personal interests, hobbies, friendships, and family relationships while supporting each other’s aspirations. This fosters a sense of freedom within the relationship, preventing feelings of isolation and promoting a sense of personal fulfillment for each individual within the relationship.
Shared Values and Future Goals
A healthy relationship usually involves partners sharing common values, interests, and future goals. It’s helpful to be able to communicate with your partner about what direction you want your life to take, and to support each other to make your life dreams possible. Counselling encourages couples to explore and share their values and goals to ensure alignment in their life journeys. Having a shared vision creates a strong sense of unity and direction, and provides a deeper sense of connection and purpose in your relationship.
How can couple’s counselling help you to create a healthy relationship?
I use a blend of approaches to support couple’s to improve their relationship satisfaction. One of the couple’s counselling approaches that I use in my practice is from The Gottman Institute. Through Dr. Gottman’s research with couples over 40 years, he is able to predict whether couples will divorce with over 94% accuracy. What this really means, is that he has figured out the key elements to maintaining relationship satisfaction over the long-term. Through counselling, you can gain awareness of the areas that are strengths in your relationship, and be supported to improve on the areas that need some extra work. Couple’s counselling involves learning and practicing these skills in a safe setting, where you both feel supported by your counsellor.